Onawanda Mpanza has seen some of the worst of life’s extremities. Some of which included staying at an orphanage at one point in her life, parental absence and even sexual abuse. Now armed with determination, this Malvern author aims to heal one’s inner-child while sharing her experiences through her recently-launched book ‘A Mother to Myself’. The Merebank & Chatsworth Tabloid recently sat On the Couch with Mpanza to find out more about her journey.
Merebank & Chatsworth Tabloid (MCT): Who is Onawanda Mpanza?
Onawanda Mpanza (OM): I am a 33-year-old author, mother and wife. I was born in Lusikisiki but moved to Rietvlei, KZN, at the age of two. I then moved around to Harding, then Port Shepstone and later finally to Durban where I am a resident of the lovely Malvern area. I used to call myself a nomad because of the way we moved around at home. I’m a businesswoman and motivational speaker as well.
MCT: What is your alma mater?
OM: I matriculated from Marburg Secondary School and then furthered my studies in Public Relations Management at the Durban University of Technology.
MCT: Tell us about your journey as an author.
OM: I have always loved writing and in high school, I used to get top marks for my essays. In Grade 10, one of the teachers even thought I stole the essay from somewhere because it was so well written. So I knew back then that writing was my natural gift. After varsity, I joined a few publications to contribute / freelance and thoroughly enjoyed doing the pieces and interviews. Site visits to my articles would be insane so I realised I really love and enjoy writing but never imagined my first book would be on this topic, to be honest.
MCT: Have you always known that you would one day pen your life’s story to inspire others?
OM: I never thought that I would write down my story but I did know that I would write an inspirational book about being focused. Never did I think about writing a book where I opened up myself, so bare and vulnerable.
MCT: What were some of the thoughts going through your head when the final copy of your book landed in your hands?
OM: There were days when I thought: ‘Am I okay for even doing this? What will my family say? Being so open is so uncomfortable, I can’t do this.’ Sometimes, I would cry because it needed me to dig deep and some emotions were too much. Some memories had been shut out but they came flooding back. I got to a point of asking God if He is sure that He wants me to write this book because wow, it’s a lot. I had to grieve certain things I will never get from my mom and dad. I don’t like feeling sorry for myself but writing this book had me at that sometimes. Sometimes I would stop writing and dodge penning down anything. It was a rollercoaster ride but here I am, breathing and healing.
MCT: When did you launch your book and how has it been received thus far?
OM: There has been a keen interest but most people are scared to confront these feelings. Most people are raised on ‘a parent can do no wrong’ or ‘you can’t speak about them in any form of negative light’ even if you lived through the pain. The first reader was a total stranger which was such a delight for me. One of the reviews I have received from someone who has an almost similar journey to mine, said that the book made her cry, get angry and feel so exposed but it gave her comfort towards the end.
MCT: In your book, you highlight the aspect that life does go on in spite of having an absent parent. How did you begin your healing journey after dealing with such a situation?
OM: God, I found a relationship with God at the brink of giving up on trying. I knew my relationship with my mom wasn’t normal but I didn’t see it fully until I healed from my father issues. It was then that I realised most mothers don’t behave like this towards their children. Her last visit in 2022 gave me a huge wake-up call. The truth I was denying was laid in front of me. The realisation that there was never love but I was a stick to hold on to when things got tough and what I have is what they cared about really hit me hard. However, because I have a strong personal relationship with God and also have an amazing husband with three little loving kids, I am good and looking forward to life’s goodness daily.
MCT: What were some of the challenges you experienced when writing the book and how did you overcome them?
OM: Sleeplessness and having to keep my mental health in check because I went into mental storage. I had closed and even forgot about some things. I would play a lot of worship music to diffuse my flesh from focusing too much on the pain and, of course, playing with my kids to unwind and appreciate where I am now.
MCT: What’s the best piece of advice or life lesson you’ve learnt from a child?
OM: Go forth in life unapologetically. The determination of kids always amazes me.
MCT: Do you have any favourite weird food combinations?
OM: Definitely, yes! Warm rice and Maas (sour milk). I honestly believe it should be a delicacy!
MCT: Would you rather travel back in time to meet your ancestors or to the future to meet your descendants and why?
OM: Future, to meet my descendants. I can get a chance to impact them positively and show them that nothing is impossible if you put your all into it and lean on God.
MCT: How would you spend your days if you had unlimited time and resources?
OM: On jumping castles! I would also go around giving children toys that they can’t afford. Toys are very crucial in the development of a child and how they think.
MCT: What smell, image or sound triggers nostalgia for you?
OM: Homemade bread on a cold day!
MCT: If you had your own late night talkshow, who would you invite as your first guest?
OM: Tyler Perry. I would be inspired but also get to have a huge laugh throughout. Laughter is the best medicine.
MCT: Do you have any hidden talents?
OM: Interior Decorating.
MCT: What legacy do you hope to leave behind?
OM: For my children and future generations to recognise that I came and conquered what life threw at me.
MCT: How can people follow your journey?
OM: People who have lived through traumatising childhood experiences can follow my journey of healing on Facebook, Instagram and YouTube by searching: Onawanda Mpanza.
