Behind a smile, a busy schedule or an apparently ordinary day, someone may be carrying a struggle that those around them cannot see. During Suicide Prevention Month this September, mental health advocate and South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG) facilitator Aimee Naidoo is urging communities to do something deceptively simple: listen, talk and show up.
This Suicide Prevention Month, Tabloid Newspapers sat down with Naidoo to speak about stigma, warning signs, social media, young people, men’s mental health, financial pressures and what ordinary people can do when someone they love is struggling.
Tabloid Newspapers (TN): Aimee, tell us a little about yourself and your journey. What led you to become involved with SADAG and mental health advocacy?
Aimee Naidoo (AN): I am South African-American, and that is an important part of my identity and of understanding why and how I became an advocate for mental health. I am compassionate, caring and assertive, but my advocacy is also mixed with my own life journey. I married young and went through divorce, infertility, an identity crisis and a difficult adoption experience. Those experiences ultimately led me towards becoming an advocate for mental health.
TN: What does your role at SADAG involve, and what has working closely with people navigating mental health challenges taught you?
AN: I am a facilitator with SADAG, which allows me to lead a support group in Chatsworth. SADAG is a non-governmental mental health organisation in South Africa. It provides free mental health services, including helplines, support groups, education and outreach. The fact that these services are free is incredibly important. It is a remarkable organisation that can change lives. I learn every day that challenges can be the same regardless of your status, race, colour or money. After all, we all have a mind, and our minds can create havoc regardless of the challenge. We all need support to thrive.
TN: Suicide is often surrounded by silence and stigma. Why do you think people still struggle to talk openly about suicidal thoughts?
AN: Shame and stigma are the glue that keeps society from admitting or accepting anything relating to mental illness. Culture and tradition can play a role. Seeking help for yourself is sometimes not welcomed, while suffering in silence can almost be worn as a badge of honour. We need to move away from that and acknowledge people’s pain rather than expecting them to carry it alone.
TN: What warning signs should family members and friends be looking out for?
AN: Isolation is an important one. Look for subtle changes too: sleeping too much, anger, crying, talking about death, no longer experiencing joy, changes in the music they listen to or the shows they watch. The important thing is noticing when somebody is behaving differently from how they usually would.
TN: Many people assume that someone who is smiling, working and functioning normally must be coping. How accurate is that?
AN: Mental pain is not visible, so sometimes the person who appears happy is ignored. Even someone appearing overly happy can sometimes warrant a closer look. You cannot always determine what is happening inside someone’s mind simply by looking at them. That is why we need to check in.
TN: The theme of World Suicide Prevention Day this year centres on the importance of conversation. What does that message mean to you?
AN: The whole message is about making a difference. That is why we say: talk, talk, talk — and then talk some more. Conversation can be critical between somebody having those thoughts and acting on them. Sometimes we are talking about the difference between life and death.
TN: What impact can social media have on mental health, particularly among youth?
AN: Social media can create the impression that everybody else is living their best life without trauma, pain, struggles or anything negative. Then the comparison game begins.
People start comparing their real lives to what is essentially a carefully selected version of somebody else’s life. The goals can feel unattainable, and that can leave somebody believing they cannot compete. It can also have an impact on relationships and how we understand connection.
TN: Men are often reluctant to seek help for mental health struggles. Why do you think this happens?
AN: Men are often raised to see themselves as providers. They have responsibilities and a job to do, and when struggles happen they can distract themselves rather than think about what is happening in their own minds. There is also the idea that showing vulnerability is weakness or somehow goes against the male ego. That can lead to silence and isolation. We have to create environments where men understand that talking does not make them weak.
TN: For somebody supporting a loved one through a mental health crisis, how can they protect their own wellbeing?
AN: You have to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before trying to help somebody else. Find a support group or a SADAG group. Call a helpline — those services can also support the people helping someone who is struggling. Educate yourself about the situation. Consider therapy, church or another support system that works for you. Look after your physical health too. Exercise, eat well and make sure you have your own source of support.
TN: Can you share a moment from your work that reminded you of the power of reaching out and asking for help?
AN: There was a young man who was severely struggling with addiction. He came to see me while I had family visiting. Life was chaotic and, initially, I felt irritated about having to step away from my family, but I sat with him. We chatted about life, his struggles and even things that had nothing to do with what he was experiencing. We laughed. After he left, he called me and told me that he had come to see me while contemplating ending his life. He told me that I had taken the time to sit and listen, and that changed everything for him. That changed my whole life too. Even in the chaos of your own life, be love. My personal slogan is: ‘SHOW UP.’ We also need to change the language surrounding suicide.
Rather than saying somebody “committed suicide”, we say that a person “died by suicide”. We commit to marriage, to God or to work; suicide should not be framed in the language of wrongdoing. I believe we can make a difference through something as simple as a hand on someone’s shoulder and asking, “Are you okay?” — and then continuing to ask. We have to keep ourselves available to one another. Be your brother’s keeper. Be your sister’s keeper.
TN: What is the one message you would like every reader to take away during Suicide Prevention Month?
AN: Nobody is excluded from experiencing suicidal thoughts, so listen, listen, listen — and talk, talk, talk about mental health. Nobody is ever too busy to check on another person. Sometimes it takes only minutes to make a difference. Love never fails.
